What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

What is the impact of being stereotyped as poor on an individual's life? How does it make them feel?

When she asked me how she looked .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

One cannot live in the past .

Why would a person always be so tired?

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

As i do to all so called friends.?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Why did Obito, a supposed "bad person," do good things for Kakashi?

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

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I write beautiful poetry .

She found it foreign!.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Especially a lifetime of it.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

What was your first gay male experience?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

She was in good health!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Would this be the day?

My family never makes their pension either.

He resisted the act ,that day.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

So, i spoilt her more .

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I waited trembling.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She wouldn,t have been !

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But it wasn’t much.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

(And it was in our own minds.)

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

This is soul school!.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She married twice! .

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I will be 64.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Im still living with it.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Was to survive, this bastard.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

My life is so biszare .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Who then, do I blame.?

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was 9 years of age.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

And i lived it daily.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I was very sick at this time too.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I was seconnd youngest,

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Ive learnt so much.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Put me off passion for life!!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I was scared of men, in general

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

All the time i was locked up.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I have no regrets .

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

It was going to be , some day.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

So whats the point in blame.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Comes on , in middle age.

I don,t even have a pension.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I said to her

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

She loved him until the end.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

What did i know ?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

But, we were locked up after school.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

We all went to grammer schools

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

We were not on the streets..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I think the readers, may guess!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

He knew the spot.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.